.

I want to be brought into your reality
No longer will I be in a dream
A figment of your imagination
I want to be real to you
More than real
A part of what makes you whole
However this is still my dream
My dream without you
Without reality

I wrote this like a year ago, I don't even know what I think of it at all. Sounds teenage and moody.

Untitled

I cannot find myself through you
I can't expect to look at you
and be everything that was imagined
An apology can only get me so far
or nowhere at all
I cannot set out to discover something
if I never explored before
The only way to find myself
Explore
Is to finally say I'm sorry
and look in the mirror

I have no ideas!

My mind is in a permanent brain fart. I have no ideas. Well I have many but it's so hard to expand on them. Bah, I suck at writing things on paper, rather type. I hate my handwriting.

I think my plan of writing a complete screenplay before college is not going to turn out.

Sooooooooooo there is no point to this, but I haven't blogged in awhile.

Why does poetry always have to be depressing?
I want to talk about the sun kissing my cheeks
late on Sunday morning
To express the words that gleefully bounce off my tongue
whenever I see you approach
Sing out the feeling of grass between my toes
To try to explain the unexplainable love I feel
of the Man above
Why does poetry have to be depressing?
Happiness should not be an extinct emotion.

Boo Radley

A poem.

Pale, blonde and weird.
No one knows for sure what they've done
Only a rumor
Only a thing of legend
Kept inside to become a recluse in your own mind
Never knowing why
Leave the treasure
Drop the hints
Maybe for once someone will actually care
Care enough to knock on the door
Always a figure of imagination
But always there with a blanket and a knife

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
— Maya Angelou


































"If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all."
— Oscar Wilde

I'm in a weird mood today. A let's drink tea, wear a sun dress, and listen to A Fine Frenzy type day. However, I can't wear a sun dress because it's beyond windy and cold out and I don't know if I want to go downstairs and make tea. But! I am listening to A Fine Frenzy (I want her hair)

Oh and just so everyone knows, I love quotes and amateur photography.

I need to vent.

All rightly let me just start of saying I hate Hollywood and just the whole entertainment industry.

You have girls, 'singers', dancing around in their music videos wearing next to nothing, with lyrics that insinuate sex, or something along those lines, and guess what these girls (and men) get paid millions of dollars. The music they play is genetic, meaningless, and I hate this word but stupid. I get it, because sometimes I listen to it, it's fun listen to mindless music. But music shouldn't be mindless, music should be something that you hear not only go through your ears but through your veins and your soul. It should be more than words (isn't that a song lyric?). These people, I cannot fathom calling them 'artists', get paid the big bucks when real musicians, real artists barely get paid, but really are very much unknown.

To be honest the music industry does annoying me but for anyone who knows me, knows that I've wanted to be a film director ever since I was ten, so dumb movies annoy me the most. 3D. Pointless. Unnecessary. I'm not just saying this because I cannot see in 3D but because do you really want to have a head fly in your face whilst watching a movie? No, you want to simply watch it. You don't have to literally be in the movie to enjoy it. They didn't do that in Hollywood's Golden Age.

It's not just 3D that gets on my last nerve but also the lack of original material. Oh good guess what yet another movie from the 80's is being remade. Oh cool another sequel. Pretty soon movies made 2 years ago are going to be remade, oh wait they already are! There are no original stories coming out of Hollywood anymore. Sure one gets made every once in awhile but normally not.

I get adaptations, honestly some of my favorite films are based off books and musicals. Remakes are what really bother me though. And I must say when a movie doesn't follow the story of the novel or the musical it makes the film pointless to me.

I for one would love to be in a film studio meeting. I think it would go something like this; "Let's make another horror film remake from the 80's and use that Disney channel girl, but we need to make her boobs bigger." They will grin wide and then throw money in the air while they dance to some mindless pop song. LOL!

Now, I know there are original and unique films still made today, but I'm talking about Hollywood. The big movies. Why are they stupid I ask? Do movie studios think the general public is that dumb? Well I guess since we go and buy tickets to films like this we must be. But they can change that and I think they know that.

You would think after reading this that I wouldn't want to be in the film industry, but I do! I really, really do! I love film. I love to sit down and escape to the world of make believe. I want to be apart of the magic, just not the magic, or lack there of, that's going on now. I know it's a big dream but maybe I could help bring originality back to the film world.

I could ramble more, but I doubt anyone will read past the title, but for those who care what I think about entertainment there you go.

Oh the rain got to me.

I feel like such a horrible person. I'm questioning things I shouldn't be questioning. I feel like I'm lying to people, but I know deep down I'm not.
Sigh, I'm lost.
The rain makes me think of things I wouldn't normally think about. Why? I don't know. Sun can you please come out and shine?
Sorry for the emo post y'all.

A poem? For realzzzzzzzz

It seems like everyone is writing poetry lately, and even though I'm far from great, or good for that matter, I felt like sharing something of mine. I wrote it a couple of months ago and it most likely isn't even going to make sense. See, this is why I dislike to share my work it never makes sense to other people, or I fear it doesn't. Also the poem, if you even want to call it that, is unfinished.

Help me understand the strange dialect of the teacher
Words so bizarre coming from this eccentric accent
I don't know what to listen to or what to ignore.
Writing the scribbles of the little I understand
I find myself becoming more confused
As the words keep dripping from his mouth.

Hm, maybe the poem isn't unfinished. Meh knowing me I'm going to delete this in like two minutes.

I don't want to be a hoarder

Last night and late morning I was cleaning up my room (as I was watching Singles, I love that movie.) and I realized that I've kept a bunch of crap. Now, I'm talking stuff that is from middle school and even grade school. Keeping this stuff isn't bad, but I kept some of the most random stuff like a report I wrote about Stigmata. Why? - honestly I have not a clue.

Half of this stuff I didn't even know I still had, like the paper along with some other things. However, I knew I had Valentines from grade school from people who probably don't even remember me, Christmas cards from those same people, and Holy Communion cards from family I haven't seen since I was in the 2nd grade when I received my First Holy Communion. So most of those I threw away. It's not like I was attached the them. I used to think I was, now I realize that they're pointless and I don't want to drag them to college with me.

This all made me question, why do people keep the stuff they keep? These things aren't going to get you anywhere in life, so why do you need them? I understand it's nice to have a note that a friend passed you in Spanish class, but does it really mean that much to you? I think people hold on to things so they can hold on to the memories. The memory isn't that little piece of paper, the memory is the experience.

There's so many things that I remember from grade school that I didn't keep. Some of my favorite memories are just that memories, not a picture or a piece of crumbled up paper. Like just today I remembered how me and my best friend in grade school and middle school used to play with our lip glosses.

Sigh, but for some reason I feel bad for throwing some of the stuff away. But then I think most of the stuff was in my memory box that I haven't opened since my family and I moved to Northampton nearly five years ago. So why should I feel bad. Life will go on as always. Ha, just with less stuff.

My mind is blocked.

I've been blogging lately, mostly to myself, I don't really know why. I guess I just realized that I really missed if after all these years. Anyway, I have writer's block right now. I've been writing like crazy the past fews days but now, nothing. It's not like I don't have ideas, I have plenty of them, it's just I don't know how to word everything that's in my mind.

For the past few years I've been writing this, I suppose you can say novel. Writing draft after draft, I have about five of them (well I'm 'working' on the fifth one) now, I realize after all these years I don't want to write that story anymore. I'm not the best writer when it comes to novels but I think I do have something, I don't know if I want to say talent, when it comes to writing screenplays. Well I would hope I have a talent for it considering that's what I want to do with my life, write film scripts.

I don't get what the point of this blog is. I guess I just wanted to write something. Something not worthwhile but it's still something.

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by none other than The Smiths is currently my favorite song, that depresses me. For those who have heard the song will understand why.

Sigh, lately writing and baking (and cooking) have been the only things that have kept me going.

I hate being depressing, but there is a light that never goes out. *insert whistling noises.*

And again, I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but I wish people blogged more. Or at least used their bloggers. Come on people tell people everything you're up to.

One book down

As I said in my last blog I want to read a lot over this spring and summer season (I'm not just going to read classics, I want to read more modern stuff too I've realized) so, so far I've finished one book on my list of things to read, Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass. Yes, I think I might be one of the very few people in the world who read it and didn't become madly in love with it. It didn't thrill me. In fact I found it to be very boring at times. So go ahead yell if you want.

Sigh, but now I do not know what is next. Oscar Wilde? A play or a novel? - well Wilde only ever wrote one novel. Or maybe some Jane Austen? Or maybe something weird along the lines of Palaniuk? - no, I read Survivor and it sucked. I'm giving up on Chuck for now. Diary, Lullaby, and now Survivor? I've read 6 of his books, liked 3 out of the 6 so half and half. I've been reading Haunted off and on and I'm loving it so I'm not completely done with him. He is my favorite author after all.

A trip to the library might do the trick.

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

All right the only reason I'm blogging this is so I don't forget.

This spring/summer I'm going to read classic literature and watch classic movies. I'm going to promise myself to read a book a week. All right maybe every two weeks. Gotta give myself some time here.

Why do I want to do this? - you might ask. Well I found the site goodreads (which by the way is pretty addicting) and it made me realize just how many books I want to read in life. I look at the books I've read and it doesn't seem like enough.

Why watch movies? - well I'm going to film school in two years (well hoping I get into a good one) and I feel as though I haven't seen many of the groundbreaking, classic films. I've seen plenty of movies but I don't want to go to school and have someone ask "Have you seen Gone With the Wind?" And I say, "Well no." I want to be able to answer "Yes, I've seen it. And read it too."

And of course I want to be more social this summer. Even though I want to read and watch films I cannot become a recluse.

Oscar Wilde is my favorite person to quote. Hence this blog's title.

Blogging Fever.

I have the blogging fever. I just needed to write this down because well my mother will then think I'm working on school work. By the way I'm almost done. My senior year was really very easy.

18 years old sounds old to me. Possibly because I fail to believe that I'm 18. 18 is an adult, an adult and I still feel like a child. I don't drive, barely have any friends, have never had a boyfriend, heck never even been on a date. Do people even go on dates anymore? I would love to go on a 50's style date. Go out with a guy eat some cheeseburgers at a diner as we sip on our cherry cokes. Sounds boss.

My last paragraph got a little personal (well besides the whole 50's thingie), I'm not a very personal person. I don't like talking about myself. Yep, that's why I got a blog. That makes so much sense. Ugh, I'm making fun of myself.

UPS! Oh poop, I don't think it's for me. I want to marry a Fed Ex Man. I honestly did not know Fed Ex stood for Federal Express. I thought it was just a name. The things you learn in life.

I wish I was a profound writer. You know, people would read your thoughts and actually take something out of them.

Why are there so many crazy people in Northampton? The one guy looks like Morgan Freeman, which kind of makes me love him. Actually he doesn't look like him at all. Well, yes, first glance maybe.

I wish to get back into photography. That was something that I was actually pretty good at. However, a piece I need for my camera broke so I have to wait until the new piece I order comes. I cannot wait any longer. Hopefully my camera still works.

I'm done for now. So much for my profound, inspiring thoughts.

Insert amazing title here.

This is because I'm sad that no one tends to blog anymore. I love blogging. I used to blog all the time, now no one does. Why? Come on people let's start a blogging revolution! No, that's seems to require work and I don't feel like getting up. (I thought you could copy and paste stuff from Word, you cannot. So I had to rewrite this) A train went by and shook my room. Poo.

Okay, what to even talk about? Honestly I just lost my train of thought, I was thinking something, then poof it went away. I like bread.

Anyway, ever realize how much you've changed in your life? I have, it's not just the music I listened to and the way I dressed but also the way I think. My whole mind has changed, I'm not a shallow, ego obsessed person anymore. I used to want to fit into a certian group so badly and I think now, I'm finally becoming okay with the person I am, I'm a little strange but not in a freaky way (well at least I hope not, I just love rainbows and unicorns, and giggles)

Sigh, no one is ever going to read this. I'm bored. This is what happens to me when I'm bored.

Oh am I the only person who views 'being overrated' as something/or someone getting more praise then they deserve? If not I must have gotten the meaning wrong. You can still like something you find overrated? - correct? I think so.

As of this moment I am done writing. I liked this, it was fun.

Untitled.

A couple of blogs ago I talked about my new found faith in God, well I suppose it wasn’t new found, I just tried to convince myself back then that I didn’t believe in Him. On to the point, the other day my one brother called me to inform me about this one New Age shop. He and his girlfriend have recently gotten into all things New Age, and they wanted to find a new interesting store, so they found this one. The owner of the store was telling my brother how they’re starting to do all these new classes and they would like to film them so they could put them on their website. My brother, thinking of me, told her (well I presume it was a woman) how his little sister, me, is planning on going to college for film. Long of the short of it is on Monday my brother and I are possibly going over there so I can talk to them myself about everything, my brother also is doing some work for them too.

Sigh, what’s getting me honestly really depressed, is just the way I used to be. If my brother told me about this two years ago I would have leapt for joy, I was so interested in all stuff. I still am, however like I said in my other blog I don’t think badly about Wicca or any other Pagan religion it’s just that I didn’t have good experiences with it personally. And I know that New Age doesn’t automatically mean ‘Wiccan’ but the store is Wiccan based, I looked it up.

I don’t want the people there to try to convert me that is of course if they found I wasn’t Pagan. Again, sigh, I don’t know if I’m overacting to this, but it still scares me. I don’t want to go back to the way I was. I like the way I am now, for once.